Most successful spam in current history

Religion, the oldest spam mail ever. Share this news with someone or youll go to hell or share this with those you care for or theyll be tortured by an all loving omnipotent being for not knowing.

Ways to recognize spam:
• Offers free stuff.
• The original sender is unknown or vague.
• You are advised to act with urgency (and click a button) or do something by a set date before it’s too late.
• Provided links do not match the supposed destination.
• There are many typos especially of key phrases or words.
• Negative results will occur if message not shared with others or others will be harmed unless you do something.

A vociferous minor inconvenience

Setting: I’m paying for my groceries before grabbing my bagged items before leaving. Another customer is in line and has items on the conveyor belt.

Overtly optimistic cashier:

I like working at Hy-Vee. You begin to get a feel for what people are going through in life. Like this person, she probably likes plants or knows someone that likes plants ::picks up a small basic houseplant::


The quiet parts I want to share aloud:
…Or someone’s dying and she’s decided to gift them with the burden of added responsibility.

Wedding Speech

Ive know Ngoc since 2014 when we worked together at the Diet Office at UnityPoint Health. Considering all the time ive known her, lougan:
Idk how you managed to get this woman to say yes to you.

Now, let me explain what i mean. Here, we have a woman. Gorgeous. Intelligent. I hear she has money, like gambles away $10k in bitcoin kinda has money.

Yet, there she was, trying every app and dating option to give her the one thing she longed for, a partner to share her life. Hell, she even considered dating a guy she had an online alliance with through a kingdom based fantasy phone game. The dating pot was seemingly not great.

Well, none of it worked out.

Fast foward several years, Ngoc practically in her 30s. And you finally show up on a list of interested guys. Thanks to a wonderful friend, who for absolutely altrusitic and godly pure reasons requested Ngoc’s phone to check her dating app, shared a few quips about her current prospective mates, then came across your profile. After adamantly dissing the other options and insisting on this one (palm up point at lougan), she reluctantly agreed. If i remember correctly, she thought you were out of her league.

The day after her date with Lougan, Ngoc requests an emergency meeting of The Council. She is estatic and NEEDS to report about her first date. At our meeting, i had never seen her light up or speak so fondly of someone she just met. You can tell there’s fireworks and magnetism. From a screenshot she shared, 12 hours post date they made plans to watch Thor at Flix Brewhouse and something about a recipe. Below the screenshot, she wrote, “::insert:: pleading eyed emoji- i think im in like”.

So, i return to my orginal statement, “i dont know how you managed to get this woman to say yes to you” because she could have said yes to any of those other prospective suitors. like, a lot of time has passed where she could have settled through the years. But, she trusted herself, didnt compromise, and she did not settle. Instead, she’s found someone who fills her with joy, trusts her completely, and admires her without measure.

If you will all raise a glass with me:
look at ngoc and lougan

Yes, now, yes, then, Yes, whenever. Lets focus on the “when” that is now and every moment you have with eachother. For that is when I have seen you the happiest, when you are both together.

To Ngoc and Lougan

Presented Aug 2, 2025

Kai- memories

Last edited May 2, 2023

Neck circumference- 15.5″
Length- 14″
Chest- 22″

Last edited May 14, 2023

The courage to climb the stairs
Constant twirls of excitement
Foghting sleep as you dozed off but got anxiois cause we were not around
Sniffing all the flowers
Doing your rounds around the backyard checking everything out
Kissing attacks and rolling onto your back
Giving kisses so intense you start to openmouth teeth my chin
The higher pitch barks you made when you really wanted me around
How you never jumped on top of the upstairs couch after i corrected you only a few times
You learned to stay and it was useful cause i could grab something in another room imstead of you having to run up and down the stairs constantly
Your zoomies, non stop
Watching the pet collective on tv. Youd hop up the pillow i placed to get a better view, drop down run in a circle and get back up. You did hop up to the top of the tv stand several times but i didnt correct you.
You ran through my garden spaces. I didnt mind. You seemed to learn overtime that there were boundaries around them. Your weight didnt crush the plants and somehow you avoided them.
The way youd spring at your toys headfirst when we played, you had such speed
The way your tail wagged when your toy was hidden under the pillows
The way you rested your head against my chest
When i scolded you for eating grass, and when offering more grass, youd throw your head away and the rest of your body contured away so passionately
The way you stopped running away from me when you had something in your mouth and i needed to get it out
When i said come, you came. I only called you for good reasons
The way you tried a new food over and over and ususlly ended up liking it. I just had to leave the food item alome and youd return to it to try it again
The way you were not food motivated even though i made you a good meal everyday after getting off work. If i left the room, you were more comcerned about my whereabouts then the food.
How you sat by my side waiting when i was on tge computer (which wasnt long because i couldnt stand watching you wait)
How you followed me all around the house nonstop
How you were so nervous about being upstairs until i put you on the bed, you could just see tge realization hitting, i get to sleep in bed with my human
Using my legs as obstacles, you’d try to catch your toys through the holes and a top my legs. I was challenging your mind.
You loved using the sliding thing to get peanuts
You were still afrsid of heights but i was working on it. Placed you on top of the kitchen counter, dining chair, and in the wheel barrel. Stayed close so you felt supported.
How you got used to the hanging chair and jumped into our laps from the floor.
Our 15 hour drive, you never once peed or pooped, so i did not stop to rest (after a total of 30h of driving with 3 hours of sleep), we needed to get you home so you could begin to feel secure and fulfill your basic needs.
You laid down with your body completely flat to the ground
Your lip was not excessively long
Your tongue was not overly beefy
Your ears the perfect size with little white spots
Your skin fold above your lip didnt need cleaning
You got used to getting your teeth brushed really quickly
You didnt mind your feet being touched and fell asleep when daddy was clipping your nails
You ran across the pomd when it stil had a net over it. I quickly grabbed you and ran you to the shower to get cleaned up
You needed to fit yourself through the spacing between the outdoor storage unit and the fence, you succeeded and didnt do it again
We went on the slide together each time went for a walk by the playground
Neck rubs, light hair tugs, chest runs, belly rubs, and leg massages. You loved it all
The way youd try to fight the sleep while getting a rubdown
The time you played tug with datas and data attacked you. You could barely breathe. Dad consoled you the best he could. Later, you forgave data sooner than your dad did
Giving you the paper tubes meant for the bees, youd chew them while i tried to study (i couldnt, you needed all the attn). Later you tried to chew the ones cut in half, i gently said no and gave you the long uncut ones. You never tried again.
You were always so inquisitive. First time in the basement you were timid but still explored and seemed to love it.
In thw basement, id play hide and seek around the furnace. You caught on and won everytime.
I began sleeping in the living room more often to spend the night with you. It was so uncomfortable but worth it. Plus i was so uncomfrotabl, i was up in thw morning and we’d spend the time outside umder the morning sun
Giving up on trying to get you to poop outaide through coerhersion. Instead, i opted for the gentler approach. Taught me patience and i wanted to beleive in you. You were better poopimg and peeing with daddy though. That mprming before surgery, you peed then pooped within a short time. Placing you in a smaller kennel had worked. If only i kept you in bed with me instead of not wanting to ruin your exleriemce with my nonstop cougjing from this throat issue i currently have. Daddy told me you wimpered when he placed you in thw kennel. I asked him because i didnt want to confuse you by placing you in making you think you did somthing wrong. You stayed in the living room for a little while to reduxe the odds youd associate it to the bedroom experiemce.
Plaving you in the kiddy pool we bought you, you started to sratch and dig the bottom like data does.
Youd force yoirself into the shower to wait for me, almost like you were concerned for me pacing back and forth or sitting at the glass door
You didnt care if you got wet, and didnt mind baths
You seemed to really love the water
I was lookimg forward to going to Ledges woth you and recording your experience in the streams
Lifting you up to sniff the giant allium flower. You leaned in omce you knew why i was lifitng you and wagged your tail while sniffing it
Your body would shake a lot with anxiety or fear when placed in the car and while on our way to our destinatiom. I think you thought we were going to be giving you up again. I wanted more time to show you that you were with us for good and watch you finally enjoy a car ride
Seeing the fishes in the pet store and sniffing all the treats
Catching you snuggling with data in the day when i was still at work
Nose boops before bed. Placing moisturizer on your nose to prevent cracking. Id say boop and you knew. Youd fight it but when i booped you with a plain finger you stopped throwing your head and i could do rapid fire soft boops with some moisturizer and the light wipes smoothing thw moisturizer out. We both got better at it.
When getting your teeth brushed, youd sit against the couchs backrest and rest your head against it too like to say i know whats happending, im not happy, but i submit
Your multi randomly colored nails
The white diamomd on your forehead that later notcied matches your brown eye with white fleck in it. The wrinkes on your head made what looked like an eye with the white design matching your brown eye with white fleck perfectly.
Your white glove like paws
White chest
White tip on tail
Darker fur near lower back
Your old man face in pics, but youthful look in person, and your puppy smelling fur
He loved collecting sticks, no matter the size, and gathering them in his preferred spot by the black gate. Prob cause it was the mlst refreshing place because how the wind blows through it
I wanted to see how youd like live chickens
You often sniffed not one but multiple tulips when yoi got to go outside.
Its just recently gotten warm enough that other flowers are blooming but you niffed what flowers you could, but it was certainly not a fair amount due to the unfair amount of time you had
The pig figurine you would not allow to be placed outside of your reach which was originally on the driveway side of the black fence. You pawed and whined when you found it. I lifted it over the fence as you jumped with excitement. Finally, you met it and sniffed it all over. Were you over it? Oh no, anytime i moved it, you would get sad and frustrated trying retrieve it back. id bring it back over, and youd sniff it joyfully and move on. It still sits on the yard side fo the fence in reach of you.
While in thw kitchen, i went to look for you. You were in the act of pooping on the porch. I noticed you were doing what looked like pacing and back and forth. I cant remember which rooms or the exact movements but it did get my attn but i reacted too late. I was more shocked and instantly thinking i could have notices but you were scared of your actions. I had to follow through. So pretended to be grumpy but i didnt raise my voice. Your body languge told me you had learned it wasnt ok to poop in the house. We only left through the bottom foor in the living room while wearing a leash so you could associaye potty time from play time. I never got a chance to see how far youve come by once letting you out of the kennel at night after the system had been working so well. You were holding your pottys until the morning.
The first thing you peed on- the lavendar. You sniffed it, rubbed against it, paced back and forth around it, then lifted your leg to mark it.
You both leg lifted and squated to pee. Its a learned trait and you used it as needed. Thats my boy
You first barked back at the neighbors dogs. Spinning in circles and sticking your nose against the planks. Fearless. After i scolded you several times. You ceased barking but still taunted the other dogs. It was partly funny cause the neighbors prob never noticed you since you were small. It just seemed like their dogs were out of control. This occurred always by datas pee pit.
When you first napped on the couch, data got so grumpy cause you were laying in his spot. He later learned to share. But he did try to pull you away with his paw then got frustrated and booped you aggresively with his snout. He quickly got corrected.
Later Data would boop you out of love, and would let you clean his face.
The way you ate nori sheets. They were too big for your mouth but got stuck to your mouth
He could leap over the couch from the back
I was planning a backyard waterpark event with friends’ dogs invited. Everyone was onboard.
I almost bought a gucci lookalike hoodie, shiny yellow raincoat, and jean jacket, but the site didnt accept money from any state. It was prob a bogus site.
Almost bought a blue rose porcelain looking bowtie to match the same design i own in the form of a tie
So far, we know he liked, celery leaves, blackberries (reluctantly), sometimes raspberries, not blueberries or strawberries, he liked pumpkin puree, sweet potatoes, chicken, beef, salmon, tuna, eggs, greek yogurt
He got comfortable approaching the spice cabinet when it was open. I let him smell most of the ingredients i was cooking with and spices i used. Remember, he wasnt food motivated but dogs paint the world with their noses.

Oak Park review

An ostentatious front that serves overly familar flavors guided by an equally banal menu, a menu that should have been the unmistakable signal to promply depart.

Some desserts were fun and imaginatve. A quality lacking of the courses before them.

They served shrimp cocktail for $20! Shrimp cocktail. Literally, ketchup with horseradish for the base sauce with lightly boiled shrimp. This is elegance, imaginative, refined? I make shrimp cocktail for a snack. Get TF out of here!

King Crab bisque- salt was the victor in this dish. To me, the flavor reminded me of the scent of the Atlantic ocean or a well used harbor. Is that the exp they were seeking?

Oysters- a quarter the size of ones found in Hawaii and half the size of Florida. The after flavor was fishy. This is Iowa, and I’m still alive. I guess that’s the type of win people can expect at this establisment.

Bread and curry butter- literally, just a tender bread with a common powdered curry mix infused butter. Ive churned better butter with a mixer and carton store bought heavy cream.

Gnocchi- it was tender. Flavor, mild. Presentation, exaggerated.

Carrot wellington- crispy, beautiful layers, subdued flavors for the number of ingredients used. Demi glaze added to the already subdued flavor. Makes me ponder on why some flavor and some flavor doesnt equal more flavor. There was a noticeable mouthfeel that coated the tongue that didnt match the dish.

Duck and Filet Mignon. There was a block of a potato that, well, tasted like a fried potato. Reminded me of the hashbrown we were served in the beginning that was disguised as a gastronomical art piece of labor. Again, the flavors seemed surpressed on both accounts. Demi glaze, Everywhere.

Skate was described as store bought fish sticks. Enough said. When I tried a bite of their plate, I enjoyed the meaty texture. A tarragon tartar sauce was provided, it had a light flavor profile but what i remember most was that it tasted like, well, tartar sauce.

Written Jan 1, 2024. Add on below recalls other issues reminded of.

Spilled wine on table while pouring, did not top off amount spilled. Waiter described menu. Noticed there was quite a bit of sediment in the wine.

Non-alcoholic beverage looked beautiful. Tasted like smoked extract.

My trip to Wyoming… wait, Utah?!

Written March 31, 2023

A non-embellished recount of our trip to pick up a pug, titled: My Trip to Wyoming… Wait, Utah?!

Unlike the movie Stand By Me, which is a journey to see a dead body, it wasnt the climax of our trip to Utah.
Instead, we still had a mini blizzard to condend with before I could sumbit to my nerves, and full bladder.
Before seeing the recently deceased man who’s side face was splattered into the ground, i drove through several vortexes over 100 miles with 60-80 mph gusts while it was snowing. After the turbulence from the vortex, I slid, like an olympian figure skater, up and down windy roads that were completely black and shiny like it was newly pressed.
However, I was teased into a sense of false security after passing Rawlins and seeing their blue-collar kingdom of lights and witnessing clouds being born from the mountain sides surrounding the city of Cheyenne.
Cureently, Im sitting in an IHOP parking lot, writing this reveting account, ready to slide into the vehicles rear with Blake and a blanket with the intention of decompressing while in a fetal position. I hope the Pug Rescue employee has the same tenacity we do to meet us in this city of Ogden because we still have to summon the courage to drive back. Most of all, I’d like at least a day in bed to scream, cry, and shake with enthusiasm. That is to say, Im especially hopeful that we will see Data once again.

Q&A:
By the way, how did I know he was recently deceased? I had to drive around his feet which were flung a shot putter’s distance forward. The police had their priorities, and I imagine collecting his feet was not on their list just yet.

How did it happen? It looked like he was flown out of his car window after rear ending a semi. You could see the drama of it all as his body was still animated as though he was resisting the impact, but sadly the force was too great.

Add’l, you didn’t ask, im going to share:
I pee’d in a tin can at most of our stops to get gas. One can was never enough. “Fill, pour out, repeat” quickly became a routine that had compounding levels of satisfaction at each subsequent step of “pour out”. I feel like there’s a name for this feeling represented as an equation 樂 1+1=2+2=4+4=8…

Man in ihop wearing a puffed winter coat reading a newspaper that looks like he’s named pee air with his well trimmed moustache has silver colored above knee shorts that match his hair. Its like a giant slushy outside and its still coming down.

Self reflection

Ramblings from Aug 16, 2019

So i was about to take a shower and Illusive Knight by Jay Brannan comes on and i begin to live bits and pieces of my past where i felt romantically alone during fluctuating stretches of lonliness and then Taking Over Me by Evanescence began and im drawn back even further when i was a teenager and used to cut myself over the rampant feelings that i kept concealed as i continued to find acceptance in myself, but could only watch and wonder “what if”.  Even after all these years, I havent grown out of that person i was. I dont think we really change but simply compile on more editions of ourselves… you know, modify. Either it was simply the steam and water flooding my senses or perhaps the pains of despair washing over my perceptions but I became aware of one truth about my self over these years. A part of my core is emotionally reliant on others no matter how my visage oozes a sense of grounded independence. In the end, if I was single, id gradually lose stability and be floating in a vat of my own demons drumming skepticism, worries, and hopelessness with increasing sporatic tempo until i ultimately self harm or simply skip to the end.

This is All Our Fault

This is all our fault.
It’s mine, it’s yours.
We all need to be held accountable.

Hate is taught, and from the evidence, it’s our fault. The parent(s)/guardian(s), friends, community… society. We provided the environment for the seed of hate to flourish.

This is not targeting any individual, but a group. The ones who read this and gasp in disbelief, this is probably for you. Those that can reflect on this message and know it’s intent, this is probably for you. Those that read this and feel segregated by the community I speak of, this is probably about you, and we have wronged you through inaction.

Born by Clay

Why is my life full of so many strong-willed, outspoken, viciously blunt women who treat me ill? Am I seen as clay that requires forceful kneading, swift cuts, and a raging flame to overcome? Perhaps Im initially percieved as having some great potential to only offended them greatly by not living up to their expectations as if Ive deviced a vicious rous to deceive them, and they must strike back. Why couldnt I receive warm, passionate, empathetic instruction? Ive always enjoyed that and I florish under those conditions. Perhaps thats why military training was not overwhelmingly difficult for me. It was something I elected to do and knew what consequences were to be expected. Being taunted about my lack of intellect was never expected by a grandparent, mentor, or coworker. Im not saying I dislike women as a whole or that my experience might have been different without women. It’s simply coincidence and Im just disappointed in the rolemodels Ive been given. Dont get me wrong, I define myself by more than those moments, no matter how extended or deep they may have cut, in my life. But, I cannot get past how a part of who I am today is because ive had to Rise above my Bullies instead of growing toward my aspirations. Im afraid I’ll pass on those attributes of abuse to those close to me, and if the choices Ive made up to this point are truly for my own self fulfillment.