Why is my life full of so many strong-willed, outspoken, viciously blunt women who treat me ill? Am I seen as clay that requires forceful kneading, swift cuts, and a raging flame to overcome? Perhaps Im initially percieved as having some great potential to only offended them greatly by not living up to their expectations as if Ive deviced a vicious rous to deceive them, and they must strike back. Why couldnt I receive warm, passionate, empathetic instruction? Ive always enjoyed that and I florish under those conditions. Perhaps thats why military training was not overwhelmingly difficult for me. It was something I elected to do and knew what consequences were to be expected. Being taunted about my lack of intellect was never expected by a grandparent, mentor, or coworker. Im not saying I dislike women as a whole or that my experience might have been different without women. It’s simply coincidence and Im just disappointed in the rolemodels Ive been given. Dont get me wrong, I define myself by more than those moments, no matter how extended or deep they may have cut, in my life. But, I cannot get past how a part of who I am today is because ive had to Rise above my Bullies instead of growing toward my aspirations. Im afraid I’ll pass on those attributes of abuse to those close to me, and if the choices Ive made up to this point are truly for my own self fulfillment.

Looking in the mirror, a flash forward in time
You, so gently standing at my side
Staring intently at our wrinkles and glazed eyes
Patches of gray hair and receding hair line
All the while, without hesitation, proclaiming “you’re mine”

As beings of change, we must accept the truth
We will push and fight, to expand our views
So, I want us to grow, and be the best versions of ourselves
Not static, trying to remain like day 1, the fourth of June
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Merely living together but internally growing apart
Feeling trapped and confused
wanting to sporadically drive away
Instead, I want to support your identity, your evolving quirks
Challenging your thoughts and pushing your dreams
Allowing our individuality to be the best part of we
No fear of losing the one we thought we knew
But captivating each other as we dazzle anew

I write to be honest, true to myself
I write to feel the words I cannot expel out
I write because I fear my ability to cope Continue reading →

Scruff
Taller than me
Enjoys fitness
Outdoor activities
Anime and/or video games Continue reading →

For the first time in my life, I’m afraid of new experiences. Instead, I just want stability without boredom. An atmosphere where my memories are secondary to the present moment.  

Perpetual thought
endless chatter
A moment of outward silence
leads to inward torture
Continue reading →